Teach Me Gently
by slightlysmall
Summary: "What do you mean, watch what I'm saying? Or else you might find out that someone truly cares about you? That someone can see past who you become one day a month and see who you really are? I love you, Remus. I'm not asking you to love me back. I'm just telling you how I feel."


For the Quidditch Competition as a reserve Beater 1, with the lyrics "Can I be? Was I there? It felt so crystal in the air. I still want to drown whenever you leave; please teach me gently how to breathe" from the song Shelter by the xx. I also used the prompts "Fear is only a verb if you let it be," Andrea Gibson; "I can honestly say that I do not care" and notebook.

Also for the Apprentice Competition with the prompts (1) immortal; (2) "If I had the chance..."; (3) "Just when you think it can't get any worse, it can. And just with you think it can't get any better, it can." - Nicholas Sparks; (4) Remus/Sirius; and (5) genre: drama.

Word Count: 1,042

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Sirius's heart pounded inside his furry body. Padding to the window, he peered between the curtains and found the full moon's path. Time was passing slower than he would like it to. The night wasn't even halfway over. He curled up in a corner of the Shrieking Shack to wait it out. Beside him, a werewolf howled. Even as a dog, it sent shivers up his spine to hear him.

He wasn't afraid of dying. He was afraid that Remus Lupin would lose himself.

Sirius spent many full moons in the Shack - almost as many as Remus had himself. This time, James and Peter had wanted a night off. They each had dates to go on and didn't want to have to bow out early. "It's fine, Prongs," Sirius had said. "I don't mind being with Remus alone." He didn't; he truly didn't. But if they were to lay side by side, he preferred it when they were both human.

At the moment, it would have to be enough to be this dog, and to let Remus's angry claws pierce the skin beneath his fur. It wasn't often, and his pain tolerance was higher as Padfoot. He didn't bark or whimper, because he might scare the werewolf. Instead he lay there and closed his eyes, waiting for him to lose interest.

Finally, he fell asleep, and woke up to a tattered, half-naked man clinging to his fur. Remus was asleep, and with some effort, Sirius became himself again. Remus's long nails clung to his skin and it would likely make him bleed.

He didn't mind. He would bleed to death for Remus Lupin.

"You're awake," Remus said.

"I am. How are you feeling?"

Remus shrugged. "The same as usual. Where are the others?"

"They wanted the night off."

Remus jumped up and took the collar of Sirius's shirt. "You stayed here alone with me? All night? Merlin, Sirius, why did you have to be so _stupid_?"

"It wasn't stupid, Remus. I stayed as Padfoot the entire time. You didn't hurt me." Remus's eyes fell to Sirius's chest, where his white shirt was turning pink. "Not much, at least."

"Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Of course not. Fear is only a verb when you let it be. And I won't let it be, because I know you, Remus. And you won't hurt me. Not on purpose."

"I hardly think intention matters. You spent the night alone with a werewolf."

Sirius sat up and placed his hands on Remus's sallow cheeks. "I spent the night alone with _you_."

"You shouldn't have stayed by yourself. I would have been fine."

Sirius backed up, his arrogant exterior dropped in the early morning hours. "Maybe I didn't stay for your sake."

"Sirius? What are you talking about? Is everything okay?"

"Maybe I couldn't bear a night away from you. If I had the chance..." He let the sentence drop off.

"What? Finish your sentence."

"If I had the chance, Remus, I would spend every night with you. The way we woke up this morning, with you wrapped around me... it felt perfect. Remus, I... I love you."

Even as a werewolf, Sirius wasn't sure Remus could have jolted away faster. "Sirius. Watch what you're saying!"

"What do you mean, watch what I'm saying? Or else you might find out that someone truly cares about you? That someone can see past who you become one day a month and see who you really _are_? I love you, Remus. I'm not asking you to love me back. I'm just telling you how I feel."

"You're sure about this?" Remus asked, creeping forward.

"Of course I'm sure, Remus. I've known you for nearly six years."

"But... I'm a werewolf," he added as if it were news.

"Believe it or not, I'd noticed. And I can honestly say I do not care." Sirius ran his hands through his hair, greasy from the night in the shack. "Come here for a minute, Remus. I promise I won't bite."

"Funny," Remus said, but came and sat beside him anyway. Their legs touched at the thigh, which was making it difficult for Sirius to concentrate.

"Listen, I'm not sure who I was before I met you. I was so conflicted. I'm not even sure I was _there_, you know? My house was made of crystal and I was scared every word I sent into the air would shatter it. With you, though... I had to be with you last night, Remus. I had to. When you're gone, my lungs fill with water instead of air and I drown and can't breathe.

"I need you. And if you don't feel the same, well... at least you know now."

They sat in silence, breathing together. Even in the Shrieking Shack that smelled of teenage boys and dust, it was easier breathing next to Remus. If they could just always breathe the same air, Sirius felt like he could be immortal.

"Come with me," Remus said after countless minutes and took Sirius's hand.

"Shouldn't we take you to hospital first?"

"It can wait. This is important."

Sirius wondered where they could be going with such urgency and was surprised when they ended up in their dorm room. Remus pulled a notebook out from the bottom of his trunk, and handed it blushingly to Sirius. "This should explain things."

Sirius sat down on Remus's bed and read through the whole book, tears welling in his eyes. "Remus, I... Wow. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"You're Sirius Black. _Ladies'_ man. I had no idea- I couldn't even consider the possibility that-" Sirius stood up and grabbed the collar of Remus's shirt, pulling him close and kissing him hard. Together they stumbled to the bed, hands all over, finding their ways under shirts and along belt buckles until they collapsed into a pile of limbs.

"Sometimes, when everything is going terribly," Remus whispered, panting, "I try not to say that things are as bad as they can get. Because I know they can get worse. But recently I thought things couldn't get any better. You were my friend and I knew that I meant something to you, and that was enough. It got better, Sirius. It got better."


End file.
